April has always been an emotional month for me. It was on this month in 1977 that a special person in my life was born and it was on this month in 1991 that this person left me. Today marks my brother's 29th birthday. I'm sure if he is still alive, he would have his own family and children. Knowing my brother, i'm also pretty sure that he would have been a successful person in life.

Just want you to know brother, that even though you could not be here with me now, you will always be remembered and I will celebrate this day still because it was on this day that you embarked on journey in life and became my brother. I could not visit you today as planned due to rain and I promise, I will be visiting you soon.

Love you always..

Had some problems at home yesterday morning and I snapped. Argued with someone and I was called 'kurang ajar' by that person. Again, I was to be blamed! Why can't people just acknowledged their mistakes and apologise? Why must they always put the blame on others and think that whatever they are doing is right? This has been a big problem in my life right now. I just can't control myself anymore. I just don't have patience anymore. I was asked to apologise to that person. I don't mind saying sorry but what's the point of just saying it if I don't mean it? By saying sorry, it will just make me look like a fool, acknowledging that I was to be blamed and let that person think that it's right? That shouldn't be the way. It will just make them big-headed. Is it so wrong for me to voice out my opinions just to show them what is right and what is wrong?

Another thing happened when I was on my way back from Sim Lim today. The bus was damn crowded. I was sitting at the upper deck. As my bus stop was approaching, I walked towards the steps. As I was approaching, I noticed that the lower deck was crowded too and there were 2 men standing at the steps. The first man that I need to walk pass was a Malay in his late 30s. He didn't have the brains to move aside to allow me to walk down. I had to make a big step to proceed on. The steps were narrow and I lost my balance. As I was regaining my balance, I accidentally elbowed the 2nd man who is a Chinese on his face. It was a hard one. I could tell that the man was fuming. It was an accident and to be honest it wasn't even my fault. They were stupid enough to be standing on the steps when there was clear instructions in the bus saying that no one should be standing on steps. I said sorry but the man's face says it all. He was still angry and looked at me straight into my eyes. I was not happy either and wanted to stare right back at him but I had to alight from the bus. I swear to god if that man had try to find fault with me, I would really retaliate. Why can't people just make good use of their fucking brains for goodness sake?

Stayed up late to see the match between Man U and Sunderland. A lot of people might be committing suicide today. I'm sure there is not much who would put their money on Sunderland managing a draw at Old Trafford. But as every football experts know, the ball is always round. Sunderland did the impossible by hanging on and stopped Man Utd from scoring hence forcing them to drop 2 valuable points. They are now 6 behind Chelsea, with Chelsea playing tonight against Bolton. I don't think Chelsea will slip up anymore. I'm just hoping that Man Utd would not drop anymore points and get as much points as they could and hanging on to 2nd spot. I'm pretty sure however that next season will be a very much better one for Man Utd.

I finally changed my layout. Looks much better than my older one I think. Did this on my own. I was actually trying on a harder but nicer layout but was not able to. I'm still an idiot on all these HTML codes and stuffs.

I'm just going to be on my PC from now till the time I sleep as I still need to put some finishing touch on the skit which my friends and I are doing for our NPC award show which is coming up in 2 weeks time.

I woke up at 8.50am today. Haziq had to ask me something about his spelling test. After he left for school, I could not get back to sleep and decided to accompany my mum for breakfast. She has been feeling down lately because one of her close friends just passed away 4 days ago. She kept thinking of her and at times, she would cry. How I pity her. I never want to see her cry as she doesn't deserve all that sorrow. As such, I told myself that I would spend more time with her in any possible way I can. After a nice breakfast, we hang around at the coffeeshop drinking our favourite 'Teh Kao' and waited till 1pm to fetch Haziq from school. When I got home, I surfed the net for a while, looking for some nice pictures as I am now working on a new blog skin. My current blog skin looks rather dull and I want to give it a new look. Now that I am done surfing, i'm gonna get some sleep and hope that I am able to wake up on time to watch American Idol results show at 5pm.

It was a sucky day for me. I'm getting sick. When I woke up in the morning to go to work, I sneezed several times and felt weak. My running nose medicine has run out and I had to go to work. I got slightly better at work but in the afternoon, I got a headache, running nose and also sore throat. My throat started to itch. That was the worst combination I could ever get. Lucky for me, I had panadol extra in my bag and after taking 2 of those, I felt better. Things didn't get better though. Had some problems at work with the skit i'm doing for the upcoming award show. It's kinda stupid I feel. I mean, when me and my friends have been assigned for the job, why should someone else stepped in and tried to add his own ideas into it? Not agreeing to us was ok but with all due respect, we were given the responsibilities to do the job. Just because you are a of a higher rank, we should listen to you all the while. If you are so clever, why don't you just do it on your own rather than giving us the job?

On the other side of the story, lies a bitch who I call platypus. Here's someone who wants to stay in the team but could not work in a team. A selfish, lazy and proud person is who she is. I won't say much about her because just thinking about her makes my blood boil.

12th April 1991 was the day my world came crashing down. Hopes were dashed, dreams were broken. But one thing still remain. The love that I have for you and I still miss you as always. If you were here, I could imagine my life being more meaningful.

15 years has past and it has not been an easy journey for me. I still think about you alot and how I wish you could be here with me. There would be so much for us to share. We would have so much fun together.

Juz want you to know bro that no matter what happens, no matter where I am, you will remain in my heart for as long as I live. May you rest in peace..

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

I actually had a very good day at work last night. It wasn't busy and it was quite relaxing to be honest, especially as I was doing with 2 senior man. The only problem as usual was the vehicle! When we were going back to base at around 0710hrs, somewhere along Eu Tong Sen, the van 'broke down'. My in-charge tried to start it time and time again but failed. It was then left for us to do our morning exercise. Me and 2 of my other colleagues had to push the van back. It definitely suck as it was such a long way to base. We took a total of 30 minutes for the journey which should only be about 3 minutes. At one time, we were in the middle of a busy junction when suddenly the van refused to move. We were of course kan-chong as we don't want to cause a jam. Luckily for us, we managed to move the van again. To make things worse, halfway through, my in-charge looked at the fuel metre and discovered that the tank was empty! I was totally angry but had to just keep quiet as he was a senior man. Oh my god! How can he not check and see that the metre was empty? The question however, will remain unanswered...