AKU
The Best Of Both Worlds by Judy Burnette
The best of both worlds
That is what you said;
Yet if that statement is true
Why do I feel so bad?
I want some things I cannot have
To be someplace I cannot be;
There is sadness, memories, some tears
Deep inside of me.
I want to be with you
To see you standing outside my door;
Will I self destruct
By always wanting more?
Monday, June 26, 2006
A New Look
I finally managed to finalise my new blogskin. This is my first 'malay' theme skin. The entries will however, be in English. Haha, I just suck in my Malay! I simply love this new skin..it has this artistic look about it. Also comes with an old school Malay song about life! Superb song guys..check it out!! Dunia.. oh... dunia..
~ dengan atau tanpamu ~ 7:56 AM
Thursday, June 22, 2006
No Time
This past 2 weeks had been real tiring for me due to my attachment. At times, I didn't know if it was a good decision after all to accept this attachment. I miss my brothers and sister (only 1) at work. The attachment was supposed to end last night but sadly, it was extended till the end of the month. I am sincerely and really hoping that it won't be extended again. I am just so tired. I have not played my game for 2 weeks! Oh my god. How can I still survive, I do not know..
It also seems like I am not destined to watch the World Cup. 4 years ago, I was in Tracom for my training and this year, this attachment! Oh god, please let me watch the next World Cup without anything to hinder me.
I feel like going on a shopping spree now. There are so much things to buy! Clothings, games, gadgets and stationery stuff for school. How I wish I would find a $1000 note somewhere. I have so little budget but a whole lotsa things to buy now. Sob sob sob..
~ dengan atau tanpamu ~ 8:13 PM
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
If only you knew...
If only you knew...
How much I cared
How much I love you
How much you mean to me
What I would be without you
If only you knew...
How important you are to me
How you've changed me
How you've made me a better person
If only you knew...
How you mean the world to me
How you are everything I could ask for
If only you knew
That I love you baby
And I would be nothing without you
If only you knew...
If I could tell you
I love you I couldn't ask for a better girl
If only you knew
At times when you hurt me
I wouldn't take long to forgive and forget
Cause that's how much I love you...
~ dengan atau tanpamu ~ 11:29 PM
Friday, June 09, 2006
Was It Good or Bad?
It has been a month of surprises for me for far. At the beginning of the month, I received news that my application for Diploma in Management and Police Studies had been successful. I was shocked to be honest as I had thought that my application was unsuccessful. I had applied for the course in November last year and after months of no news, I had given up hope. However, when my TL called me up and told me the news, I didn't know what to feel. Some part of me was happy and grateful to god but on the other side of me, I did not know if I am able to cope with this new challenge that I am going to face.
The first person to know about the news was ayang and she supported me and acknowledged that it is gonna be tough for us to cope but then again, told me that the hard times will only be for a while. I then called up my mum to tell her about the news and when she heard the news, the first thing she said was 'Alhamdulilah'. The way she said it really gave me the adrenaline and courage not to think twice about this and to go for it. All this while, I knew that my mum wants at least 1 of her child to be able to get a diploma and when I did not get to a polytechnic after my 'O's, I could feel her disappointment. At least now, i'm given a chance to amend that and make my mum proud. I love her too much to ever see disappoinment in her. Also, for the sake of my future with my ayang, I am willing to go through this challenge. Of course, I do need her continued support and understanding because out time to meet will be very much limited (knowing my work and also that I am someone who needs to rest always). But then again, as I had always told ayang, it doesn't matter if we spend alot of time together or not, what she needs to know is how much I love her and I want to spend my life with her.
That was the first surprise news for me. Then, a few days later, while I was out with ayang, TL called me up and told me that she had selected me for an assignment. I had to work night everyday and will be given 2 off days per week. I was told that this will be ongoing for about 1 month. After some discussion with my ayang, I agreed to it.
Yesterday was my first day and I have to say that it was really tough. I really was feeling very exhausted and at the end of the day, I questioned about my decision. Should I have said no instead?
I really don't know how I am going to cope for another month of this. Knowing that the world cup starts today and my course is starting at the beginning of next month, is this really a good decision?
I would have to divide my time for family, ayang, work, preparation for school and at the same time, I am going to need time for my own needs. Do I have the strength to go through all this? I hope that god will give me all the strength that I am going to need.
Insya'allah..
~ dengan atau tanpamu ~ 5:59 PM
Dengan Atau Tanpamu - Exist
Tika ku disentuh cinta
Cinta melirikan lara
Gerah kerinduan sendiri tanpamu
Kadang mengusutkan jiwaku
Namun aku tetap tegar jua
Lalu ku tempuhi semuanya
Cinta luhur digelap menjadi cahaya
Dengan mu hidup lebih bermakna
Keyakinan ku pun semakin bertambah
Semakin mudah kaki mengatur langkah
Rasa tepatnya pilih hidup bersama dengan mu
Sebelum terjatuh sakit yang tak tertanggung
Atau kemungkinan langit esok mendung
Dibawah langit yang terbuka
Ku mohon rahmat Tuhan yang Esa
Kalau di takdirkan aku harus berhadapan
Berakhirnya suatu ikatan
Akan aku relakan
Pada perpisahan
Nyawa berpisah dari badan
Kalau ditakdirkan berakhir dipertengahan
Suratan sebuah percintaan
Sanggup aku menahan
Pedih perpisahan
Walau menghiris perasaan
Sakitnya biar aku rasakan
Airmata Ibu - Siti Nurhaliza
Apakah sebenarnya
Terbuku dikalbumu
Apakah erti linang airmata di pipimu
Ucapkanlah padaku
Tak bisa kurungkainya
Rahsia yang kau pendam itu
Aku hanya menduga
Tidak mampu merasa
Sebenar-benar perasaanmu
Pengorbanan yang kau lakukan
Untuk dewasakan ku
Pengorbanan yang kau lakukan
Untuk dewasakanku
Hanya bisa ditangguing oleh hati ibu
Takkan terlerai kasih
Ikatan ini takkan putus
Dan terima segala
Dugaan dan badai yang melanda
Duhai ibu