1850hrs: On the way to work with a contented morale.
1905hrs: Still contented as I arrived at work.
1935hrs: Read a message on my mobile. "Tmr duty report at 1930hrs."
1936hrs: Morale going down.
1938hrs: Blood pressure going up.
2010hrs: Spoke to someone about the deployment. Conversation goes this way:
Me: Eh ***, besok aku kene duty eh? Rabak sak, baru last 2nd off aku kene. Takkan ni pun kene lagi?
***: Ah, sekarang aku ngah aim kau, Hirman, Ellyza. Sape suruh korang tak buat CI Returns? Besok yang kene is kau, Hirman, Gary, Go Han Song, Ashrafe.
(Upon hearing that stupid, idiotic explanation, I totally went berserk!)
Me: Oh, selama ni yang aku buat CI Returns when the rest tak buat tu kau tak cakap pape? Sekarang ni aku baru tak buat sekali, kau nak buat macam gini.
(Another person, ***** came in at this point)
*****: You know about the deployment tomorrow right? Can ah?
Me: Can I say no? Definitely can't mah.
*****: This time you kena, next time you won't kena. Unless suay then whole team kena, I cannot do anything.
Me: Ah, at least you say like that not so bad lah.
***: He not happy.
*****: Not happy ah? Bo pian..
(End of conversation)
Am I wrong to be angry? 2 straight off days got burn! And of all people, why me? That was my question. I have been missing classes when there were short of manpower. In my class, I am the only one who have miss lessons the most. All because of manpower constraint. But ain't it funny? Why does other people able to make it to class? They are short of manpower too. But I was told to understand which I did.
And this is the moment where I need to complete my projects, read up on the lessons which I have missed and also exam's is in a month's time. For goodness sake, I need to study! Does anyone understand that? Hell no!
The whole day I was angry, frustrated and feel so helpless. I nearly broke down. I stayed in maintenance for a short period of time, just to be alone. That period, even though is short was a very painful one.
But I got to calm myself down and complete my work in maintenance. I didn't feel like eating after that and eventually ate my dinner at 0200hrs which Ellyza had bought for me at 2100hrs. I didn't want to talk much. I was not myself. Not that I was showing tantrums but I just felt so lost.
No doubt we have been told to prepare ourself for this tough time. And I swear to god that I have prepared myself, just that I didn't expect it to be so fast and the worst thing of all, on 2 consecutive off days. It is definitely not off days for me.
I had just got back from night shift and will be sleeping after this. I need to wake up at 1800hrs to prepare to work and will only be back at around 1100hrs tomorrow morning where I will have to sleep again. And the next day is already my morning shift.
So do I have time to spend with family, loved ones or my school stuffs? Again, no! How am I going to survive this tough period with all this coming onto me? I am wondering if I had make the right choice to take up the sponsorship and further my studies and get bonded till 2009. Will I have time to study as well as spend time with my loved ones?
To be honest, I am still feeling very down now and is slowly breakin' down. I don't know how long I can continue this. Problems with my school, my personal life, my work..It all adds to my pain. I just hope to get the strength from god and continue this life of mine.
Only time well tell...
Throughout my work, I have seen a lot of things. From minor disputes to serious offences, I have seen most of them all. There is one thing though which saddens me the most: Mothers cheated, beaten or being left alone to survive on their own.
Recently, I came across a really old lady whose children had left to stay in China, leaving her all alone here in Singapore. I spoke to her and even with the language barrier, I can feel that she is a really good person. She was cold and starving but still offered to share me her food. Seeing her condition, I was cursing and swearing at her children. How can they simply leave her all alone in this way? She is after all, their mother who had bear the pain of bringing them up and educating them. I've heard a lot of stories of children forgetting their parents once they are successful in life and in my personal view, I feel these people are the biggest losers in the world!
As for me, I am very grateful to god for gifting me with such a great mum. People say that you will never understand the sacrifices of a mum, and I fully agree with the fact. Mothers can really do wonders.
I used to raise my voice at my mum in the past, especially during my school days. I would raised my voice at the smallest issue whenever I do not get what I want from her. I did not understand why she would scold me for some things which I did.
As I grew older, I realised that I have been such an idiot in the past. When I think back about the things that she has sacrificed for me in the past, I would sometimes cry. I am not embarrased to be saying this, after all I really love her alot and would sacrifice my life for her.
We come from a family which did not earn much. We used to live in a 1-Room flat. I still remember the day when my mum did not eat anything, just for me and my siblings to eat. She would sacrificed her food and go hungry for her children. She would not go to the doctor when she was sick, just to save some money for our needs. She would wake up in the middle of the night even though she is tired whenever me or my siblings were not feeling well and will check if we are ok. I used to be giving her a lot of problems with my attitude of always not wanting to go to school and go to the doctor to take MC. I know I have not been a good son.
From the first day I started working, I vowed to give her the best that I could. It was hard at first as I had my needs to buy some things which I wanted but now, I just want to save as much as I can so that I can give her the best life I possibly could. Now that she is taking care of my niece and nephew, things are more tiring for her. She has to cook, do the laundry and take care of the kids. It is never an easy job.
With god's will, I hope that in the near future, I will be able to get her a helper and also get a massage chair for her. I want to take her to places which she has never been to and make her wish come true. She has always wanted to travel by plane and I hope to bring her to a vacation soon. She deserves the best in life after all the sacrifices which she had done.
I pray to god that I will be able to make her happy and lead an easy life. To me, she is the world's best mum and she is and will always be the number 1 lady in my life. I love you mum.