Friday, October 06, 2006
1 Down, 2 To Go
I finally took my first test after 5 years. It was a nervy moment for me when I reported to school that day. I broke my fast (ate just a bit), prayed Maghrib (to get blessings from Allah) and drove straight to school. Alhamdulilah, the test was not bad. Insya'allah, I will be able to pass. With 1 test down, I am now focusing on 2 major topics which are definitely very much harder. There are like sooo many things to remember. Oh my god! Even a computer will crash storing all those memories!
I had to start preparing for my next 2 papers which will be on 11th and 13th October. I had taken leave to prepare myself. Glad though that my TL understand my position and thanks to some of my colleagues who had to cancel their leave for me. For Chan, I will buy for you one Kopi-O Kao Cina Punya and for Maman boncit ku sayang, I tak panggil u boncit for 1 week k!
Anyway, my preparations for the 2 papers did not start well. I was down with fever and flu 2 days ago. My throat was so bad that I could not talk. I managed to control for the first day but simply couldn't yesterday and had to break my fast at 12 noon when I went to see the doctor as I can't bear the pain in my throat. The doctor wanted to give me MC for my morning shift but I rejected as I did not want to take MC. I then bought bubur (as that was the only thing that I can swallow) to fill my stomach before taking my medications, afterwhich I continued resting. At one point, I had to wake up to go to the toilet and when I spat out my phlegm, I noticed that it contained blood (I know it sounds gross but apa leh buat, tekak ku panas dah!). It must be very bad indeed. I continued taking my medication and went to sleep early.
I woke up this morning for work (even though I was not able to sleep well the previous night) feeling a bit better and decided to fast. It was all good until I spat out my phlegm again. Same thing, contained blood. Lucky thing for me, work was good today (can be managed lah considering only 2 people at the counter). It only started to get worse at 1845hrs (damn! it was near to breaking fast time). I had to lodge a report at that time and the report was only concluded at 1915hrs and even though there was a complt waiting, I had to eat a bit first.
I didn't know what to eat so I asked Dzul to buy for me Prata Cheese. I just swallowed my food as I didn't have any appetite to eat. When I got back to the counter, there were 2 outstanding complts to be served. I was handling a rather long case and only finished my report at 2030hrs. Afterwhich, I went up, got changed and went for de-briefing.
And now here I am, drinking bandung while blogging. I had never like bandung before and have to say that this is the first time that I have drink 2 glasses of bandung consecutively. I don't know why but maybe because it reminded me of my brother. He loved bandung so much and will always asked my mum to make bandung during break fast time in the past. Here's to you bro..Cheers!
~ dengan atau tanpamu ~ 1:02 AM
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Breakin' Down
1850hrs: On the way to work with a contented morale.
1905hrs: Still contented as I arrived at work.
1935hrs: Read a message on my mobile. "Tmr duty report at 1930hrs."
1936hrs: Morale going down.
1938hrs: Blood pressure going up.
2010hrs: Spoke to someone about the deployment. Conversation goes this way:
Me: Eh ***, besok aku kene duty eh? Rabak sak, baru last 2nd off aku kene. Takkan ni pun kene lagi?
***: Ah, sekarang aku ngah aim kau, Hirman, Ellyza. Sape suruh korang tak buat CI Returns? Besok yang kene is kau, Hirman, Gary, Go Han Song, Ashrafe.
(Upon hearing that stupid, idiotic explanation, I totally went berserk!)
Me: Oh, selama ni yang aku buat CI Returns when the rest tak buat tu kau tak cakap pape? Sekarang ni aku baru tak buat sekali, kau nak buat macam gini.
(Another person, ***** came in at this point)
*****: You know about the deployment tomorrow right? Can ah?
Me: Can I say no? Definitely can't mah.
*****: This time you kena, next time you won't kena. Unless suay then whole team kena, I cannot do anything.
Me: Ah, at least you say like that not so bad lah.
***: He not happy.
*****: Not happy ah? Bo pian..
(End of conversation)
Am I wrong to be angry? 2 straight off days got burn! And of all people, why me? That was my question. I have been missing classes when there were short of manpower. In my class, I am the only one who have miss lessons the most. All because of manpower constraint. But ain't it funny? Why does other people able to make it to class? They are short of manpower too. But I was told to understand which I did.
And this is the moment where I need to complete my projects, read up on the lessons which I have missed and also exam's is in a month's time. For goodness sake, I need to study! Does anyone understand that? Hell no!
The whole day I was angry, frustrated and feel so helpless. I nearly broke down. I stayed in maintenance for a short period of time, just to be alone. That period, even though is short was a very painful one.
But I got to calm myself down and complete my work in maintenance. I didn't feel like eating after that and eventually ate my dinner at 0200hrs which Ellyza had bought for me at 2100hrs. I didn't want to talk much. I was not myself. Not that I was showing tantrums but I just felt so lost.
No doubt we have been told to prepare ourself for this tough time. And I swear to god that I have prepared myself, just that I didn't expect it to be so fast and the worst thing of all, on 2 consecutive off days. It is definitely not off days for me.
I had just got back from night shift and will be sleeping after this. I need to wake up at 1800hrs to prepare to work and will only be back at around 1100hrs tomorrow morning where I will have to sleep again. And the next day is already my morning shift.
So do I have time to spend with family, loved ones or my school stuffs? Again, no! How am I going to survive this tough period with all this coming onto me? I am wondering if I had make the right choice to take up the sponsorship and further my studies and get bonded till 2009. Will I have time to study as well as spend time with my loved ones?
To be honest, I am still feeling very down now and is slowly breakin' down. I don't know how long I can continue this. Problems with my school, my personal life, my work..It all adds to my pain. I just hope to get the strength from god and continue this life of mine.
Only time well tell...
~ dengan atau tanpamu ~ 9:52 AM
Friday, September 08, 2006
My Number 1 Lady In Life
Throughout my work, I have seen a lot of things. From minor disputes to serious offences, I have seen most of them all. There is one thing though which saddens me the most: Mothers cheated, beaten or being left alone to survive on their own.
Recently, I came across a really old lady whose children had left to stay in China, leaving her all alone here in Singapore. I spoke to her and even with the language barrier, I can feel that she is a really good person. She was cold and starving but still offered to share me her food. Seeing her condition, I was cursing and swearing at her children. How can they simply leave her all alone in this way? She is after all, their mother who had bear the pain of bringing them up and educating them. I've heard a lot of stories of children forgetting their parents once they are successful in life and in my personal view, I feel these people are the biggest losers in the world!
As for me, I am very grateful to god for gifting me with such a great mum. People say that you will never understand the sacrifices of a mum, and I fully agree with the fact. Mothers can really do wonders.
I used to raise my voice at my mum in the past, especially during my school days. I would raised my voice at the smallest issue whenever I do not get what I want from her. I did not understand why she would scold me for some things which I did.
As I grew older, I realised that I have been such an idiot in the past. When I think back about the things that she has sacrificed for me in the past, I would sometimes cry. I am not embarrased to be saying this, after all I really love her alot and would sacrifice my life for her.
We come from a family which did not earn much. We used to live in a 1-Room flat. I still remember the day when my mum did not eat anything, just for me and my siblings to eat. She would sacrificed her food and go hungry for her children. She would not go to the doctor when she was sick, just to save some money for our needs. She would wake up in the middle of the night even though she is tired whenever me or my siblings were not feeling well and will check if we are ok. I used to be giving her a lot of problems with my attitude of always not wanting to go to school and go to the doctor to take MC. I know I have not been a good son.
From the first day I started working, I vowed to give her the best that I could. It was hard at first as I had my needs to buy some things which I wanted but now, I just want to save as much as I can so that I can give her the best life I possibly could. Now that she is taking care of my niece and nephew, things are more tiring for her. She has to cook, do the laundry and take care of the kids. It is never an easy job.
With god's will, I hope that in the near future, I will be able to get her a helper and also get a massage chair for her. I want to take her to places which she has never been to and make her wish come true. She has always wanted to travel by plane and I hope to bring her to a vacation soon. She deserves the best in life after all the sacrifices which she had done.
I pray to god that I will be able to make her happy and lead an easy life. To me, she is the world's best mum and she is and will always be the number 1 lady in my life. I love you mum.
~ dengan atau tanpamu ~ 4:08 PM
Friday, August 18, 2006
Going out of my mind soon
People have always asked me. Can you cope with your studies, work, love life as well as family and at the same time not forgetting your friends? My answer to some is to try it out yourself and you will know the answer. It has not been easy and will never be. The demands from my studies and the fact that projects keep coming in, combine with the stress at work sometimes makes me wanna quit. Then again, when I think about my future, about how happy I want my ayang to be and how happy I want my mum to be, all the pain seems to be worthwhile.
I have neglected my friends as well as fiance at times. It's been a long time since I last spend time with my family as well, let alone have long hours on my own doing my favourite things. I jolly well know the fact that I have neglected you guys but what am I suppose to do? I can't give happiness to all at the same time. I had to meet deadlines for my group work and has been sleeping later than usual.
Sometimes I only have about 3 hrs of sleep and had to wake up for work. I had no choice but to neglect some of the dearest people in my life. I tried my very best to spend even the least possible time I can with them but I know it would not be enough. I've been having my problems as well and certain people says that they understand what I am going through perfectly. Well, I don't think so. These people have sacrificed a lot for me and I truly appreciate it and wish that I can repay all this. But circumstances does not allow me to do so now. Maybe, with god's will, I will be able to in the future. Even if its in 3 yrs time, if these people are patient enough, their sacrifices would be worthwhile. Just please don't say that I don't sacrifice enough cause you don't really know what I am going through.
~ dengan atau tanpamu ~ 11:34 PM
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Goodbye W810I
I departed ways with my beloved Sony Ericsson W810I hanphone last night. I need the cash to buy a MP3 player and as I do not use the functions of the handphone much, I decided to let it go - at least for now..
I will be getting a new handphone which is cheap and also has basic functions by this weekend hopefully. Then once I have money to spend, most probably I will be getting the phone back. I simply love the design and simplicity of the phone. Don't worry phone, I will come back for you!!
~ dengan atau tanpamu ~ 4:57 PM
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Back To School
Yesterday was my 1st day back in school after a period of 5 years. I finally got a taste of how poly life is. As soon as I stepped into the Lecture Theatre and a brief introduction by the lecturer, we had a non-stop lecture for about 2 hrs. To be honest, I was 'fighting' with my eyes. At some point, I nearly doze off. Luckily for me, I managed to hang on till the end of the lecture. I was shocked to hear that we will be getting our 1st assignment as early as next week. Oh my god!
Anyway, I finally bought 2 new games. However, 1 of the games did not run well on my pc as the requirements needed are much higher than what my pc has. I didn't know that my pc is a little out-to-date. The game hangs at certain time and also runs very slowly on my pc. I guess I will have to get a faster processor and also a new graphic cards. But I will be waiting for about 6 months to a year before upgrading my pc. For now, I just want to get my hands on Creative Zen Vision : M.
~ dengan atau tanpamu ~ 4:26 PM
Monday, June 26, 2006
A New Look
I finally managed to finalise my new blogskin. This is my first 'malay' theme skin. The entries will however, be in English. Haha, I just suck in my Malay! I simply love this new skin..it has this artistic look about it. Also comes with an old school Malay song about life! Superb song guys..check it out!! Dunia.. oh... dunia..
~ dengan atau tanpamu ~ 7:56 AM